The Real Me…Bare and Exposed from the Inside

The real ‘me’ living in the real world today is a hot mess who comes with a disclaimer that says ‘under construction.’ I am a phlegmatic sanguine who often lets a desire for interaction and fun steal my need for peace and quiet. I crave simplicity but often make things complex. I wake early in the morning to have quiet time and coffee with Jesus in my white space. This time with Him fills me with such a sweet peace…and then I allow that peace to be stolen by distraction. I love people and have the gift of empathy which literally causes me to feel pain when you are hurting and sheer joy when you are happy. I am a coffee drinking, marathon-running wanna be, who used to party like it was 1999 on a regular basis. Thank God for His grace and mercy.

The real ‘me’ in Jesus Christ is in awe every single day. I am still a hot mess…only I am redeemed, renewed, and restored. I am unconditionally loved, cherished, and chosen. He has ignited a passion in me to reach others through serving and writing and mostly through prayer. He has given me a boldness to pray with you instead of saying I will pray for you later. He has given me the confidence to not be ashamed of who I am in Him and to consider persecution for my faith a blessing. I am weak…but He is strong. I mess up every day…but in Him I am forgiven. I am unlovable…and He loves me anyway. I am covered in mud and muck…but He claims me as His Princess. I have done things that make me shudder…but in Him I am a new creation.  Psalm 139 tells me that I am fearfully and wonderfully made and that He knows me.  HE. KNOWS. ME.  THE. REAL. ME.

He is challenging me to hold each thought captive and not remember things of the old, because He doesn’t. He is challenging me to see others through His eyes which causes me to need a whole new pair of glasses in some cases. He is redefining my character to match what He is calling me to do with my life.  He loves me…and I am humbled and grateful that He continues to work to show me who He designed me to be.

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I AM Good Enough…and You Are Too

I thought so much about this topic and had difficulty picking the one area where I most struggled to be ‘good enough.’  You see, for each relationship I hold, I believe there is room for growth.  Sure, I am a good enough wife.  I adore my husband, have become his biggest cheerleader, and see myself married to him all my days to come.  But that ‘surrendered wife’ thing sometimes leaves me in a tizzy.  What is it about surrendering to my husband that makes me grit my teeth?  Let me examine motherhood next.  I am a good enough mother.  I love my daughter to the moon and back, ensure her basic needs are met, take her everywhere she needs to be, and pray with her at night.  But then there are those times where I lack significantly in the area of patience and fail to make her the priority she deserves to be.  Ouch.  Friendships?  Yes!  I love to make friends with everyone I meet and will talk to anyone…even the person I do not know, who is behind me in line at the grocery store!  But I often struggle to nurture those friendships that mean so much to me, because, well, I am too busy working on being that surrendered wife and patient mom.

As I floundered to identify the area where I struggle the most, God whispered, “You struggle to claim your identity in Me and struggle to feel ‘good enough’ as a Christian.”  Seriously God?  I love You!  I lead an online Bible study group!  I talk about You and talk to You!  My biggest desire is to lead others to You!  And He whispered, “You do not rest in my presence.  You presume you are never doing enough.  You cannot earn my approval.  You already have it and you ARE good enough.”  I mean CLEAR AS DAY ya’ll.  He called me out and He was so right.  Imagine that…God knew my biggest ‘I am not good enough’ struggle.

I believe if He was writing me a letter (oh sisters, I have longed for God to write me a letter!), it would say this:

Dearest Daughter (sister, that is you too),

I created you in My image.  I formed you in your mother’s womb and know everything about you.  You have always sought the approval of others and have felt you do not measure up.  Daughter, I do not compare you to others.  I love you with an unfailing, unchanging, unconditional love.  There is nothing you can do to earn my approval.  You strive for perfection and you will never achieve that this side of Heaven.  Daughter, do not burden yourself by trying to be perfect.  You are fearfully and wonderfully made.  I want you to follow me, and to love others as I love you.  Focus your eyes on me and tell me the desires of your heart…even though I already know them.  Precious daughter, you ARE good enough.  Stop trying to perform.  I know your heart and love who you are today, not tomorrow’s version of you…although I have seen her, and I love her too.  I could have left you to do this life on your own, but I didn’t.  I shed my blood for you and for all of your sisters reading this today.  That makes you ‘good enough.’

Love,

Your Heavenly Father

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